Category Archives: Funny!

Letter to My Dog, Exploring the Human Condition

My favorite part:

Humans have issues
We dig holes to bury our own hearts
We chew on our own bones

What I don’t care for:

Is it bad that I refuse to teach you to not be afraid of men
Is it bad that I want you to keep your bite and your snarl and your gleaming teeth
Is it bad that when they call you a risk, I call you a feminist

Man hating does not equal feminism. Frankly, any blanket statement or stereotype about an entire group of people is not okay with me.

Wow, do I ever miss my dog. But I don’t think I’m ready for a new dog yet.  My heart heals slowly.

 

Full text of the video after the jump, if you’re so inclined.

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Don’t Use Your Turn Signal, It Will Ruin the Surprise

How bad are Michigan drivers? This is not a trick question, I assure you. Growing up in Michiana (Yes, it’s a word. Look it up if you don’t believe me.) every time we’d see a bad driver on the road my dad would say, “I bet he has Michigan plates”. Michigan drivers are notoriously bad, and the week that I recently spent there was a reminder as to how there’s a bit of truth to every stereotype. A non-comprehensive list as to what must be taught in Michigan driver’s education:

  • Stop signs with a white edge around it means that a full stop is optional. (I told my son that when he was young and he believed it for years. Okay, he believed it until he studied for his own license. Bad mom!)
  • Farm equipment can be driven on the road, but it’s not an automobile, so the driver is free to drive with one hand and have an open Leinenkugel’s Sunset Wheat in the other.
  • It’s far too difficult to pick one lane or the other, so feel free to straddle both and/or weave in and out.
  • Under no circumstances should you ever use your turn signal. Don’t even think about it. The state of Michigan will revoke your license if you do.  Perhaps the cars manufactured for the state of Michigan are without these magical “turn signal” devices?
  • The left lane on a highway is for passing only? No way! In Michigan it’s for driving at intermittent speeds, because we don’t believe in cruise control either. Like turn signals, cruise control is for sissies and people from Chicago. (Pretty much the same thing.)

As Long As It’s Not Acrobatic

world_cup_sex_rulesI’m not sure what I find funnier: that I found this while reading The Atlantic, that this sex-or-no-sex policy of the teams is public knowledge, that teams still have a no-sex policy, or that the teams that have a no-sex policy think that the team members aren’t having sex because they’re traveling without their wives.

Some of my favorite tidbits: Miradona said “I don’t care if my players do it as long as she does all the work”, the French allow sex “but shouldn’t be an all-night activity”, Nigeria allows sex with wives but not girlfriends (ha!), and the hosting Brazilian team can have sex “as long as it’s not acrobatic”.  WTF does that even mean?  

Clearly, I’m easily amused.  :-)

Honestly, I think this says more about how these societies perceive both sex and freedom more than the actual influence on the game (which science has proven to be non-existent). Continue reading